Late Night

I’m thinking deep
It rolls around on my tongue in waves
Dangerously

How long can I keep this smile
I wish I could wrap it up and send it to you
There are so many impossible things I wish I could do for you
With you
To you
Deeply

Impossibilities get me down
But tonight I’ve got that vibe
Where everything seems reachable
Where you are almost kissable
Almost

And that’s all the security I need
To fall asleep and beautifully dream
About the time I wish I had with you

Advertisements

Leftovers

I’m low
I’ve sunk deep
into this liquid lava heartache
Feeling gutted
ripped open and torn out
Left to rot
Like a fish on the beach
or a squirrel on the street
Road kill
My murderer; my best friend
A partnership betrayed
A love deceived
unreceived
It always takes two in the end
One to run and
One to let go

What is this stress I feel?

What is this stress I feel?

What is this mood I’m in?

For so long I’ve been vacant and unattached

And now I smile at crying children and puppy dogs

I laugh at my lateness

and shrug off my sleepless nights

And I’m writing

I can write through endless unknown thoughts

asking myself why now and why him

I can see beauty in lust and longing for attention

I can see him clear as day

and feel him inside me;

What is this stress I feel?

This nagging feeling to communicate with a no-win situation

I’m not lonely, I’m not sad

But Oh God, how wonderful it felt

how consuming he was

Enough to make me wet still through memories

and hopes of things to come

And I’m hoping almost desperately

sitting on the edge of my seat

daring myself to dive in;

What are these songs in my head?

Who sings to me and tells me not to let go?

how could i release such pleasurable possibilities

 why would I even want to close this door?

But somehow I’m scared of whats inside

It’s waiting there like a ticking paper lunch bag

But I grab for it anyway

There could be cake inside

or chocolate and whip cream

There could be marbles and movies

or laughter and no strings

Do you know how wonderful that would be?

But it could just be empty

and only because I’ve realized

I’d already tasted what’s inside

But I’m not lonely

I’m not sad

I just want more

I’m hungry

Conundrum

Are we all liars?
Do we all speak in riddles?
Or hide behind hints?
Are we all sugar coating our reasons why?
Or dipping our becauses in chocolate?
Do we all keep those shameful when’s
Or right nows?
Because I’m tired of it
I want the scoop
I want the low down
The dirty and nasty or plain regretful
I want my pain to glow until it shines
I want my stupidity plastered up on every wall
Cause we’ve all failed
We’ve all been disappointed
I’m ready to swim in Misery’s pool
And laugh at my tears
Because they can’t wear me down
These lies make me stronger
This hurt makes me vibrant
Because it’s not all who I am
We’re so much more than past mistakes
We’ve out grown Desire and moved on to Truth
We’ve let go of hope and moved on to respect
Yet nothing changes
No fireworks pop
No final marks in red ink
Who’s judging this contest?
Have I moved ahead?
Am I still afraid?
Do I speak in riddles?
Or hide behind hints?
Am I the liar?
Or are you?

Security

I want to be taken care of
My independence is just a front
Tell me what to do and I’ll do it
But pick me up
Carry me through this life
Hold me in your arms
We’re dreaming each others dreams
We’re seeing each other clear
I can’t get enough of your love
Your lust for me and my time
Makes me weak
Makes me young
Makes me think of new futures yet to come
I want to give myself away
My independence is just a front
Tell me what to do and I’ll do it
But keep me warm
Keep me close
And don’t let me go
Don’t let me fall
Keep me safe
With you

A Coup

You’re feeling lost
Out of inner control
Time and space suck out your sanity
While you escape to dreams
and find comfort in substance

It’s not just happening to you
We’re an army fighting for happiness
Searching for ease
Never giving up
Trudging through this muck
Drowning in the hope that life gets better

Those voices we hear
Live and grow in our fear
Our constant enemy
Feeding on our negativity
Blocking our path to victory

So what do we do?
This company of drugged soldiers
Who do we turn to?
Our conscience?
Our soul?

When you have the answer
Let me know
Otherwise I’ll be here

Marching on

You can always take my hand if it helps